Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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