If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
this is what happens when you pick a roommate a year in advance.. she ends up hating you for hooking up with for of her extended family members
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
Randomize
