Only a mothe r could love this liver
why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
So, right as I'm cumming, I pull out and go "PYEW PYEW" like Star Wars lasers. Best part is, I missed her completely.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I'm pretty sure we organized our beer pong teams according to who's been circumsized...
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Also I want everyone to be drunk at my funeral. Instead of wearing black just blackout. That way everyone can celebrate how fun I was
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Randomize
