It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I think my vagina is haunted
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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