She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
and i was just like oh shit i'm getting felt up by a 15 year old
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
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If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
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I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
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