It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Randomize
