Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
You were demanding water from a bottle but I didn't have one..so I just took the water bottle from the hamster cage. You're welcome.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
i'm extremely hungover on the ski bus and the driver is playing abba. this. is. not. okay.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
