I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Listen to me plotting my whoredom.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
Randomize
