I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
Are you kidding me????? How bout, IM SORRY FOR CALLING YOU 16 TIMES AND LEAVING YOU A TWO MINUTE VOICEMAIL OF MYSELF THROWING UP.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
