I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
You are hungover. Your arguments are irrational an incoherent. We only played twice. Have some Gatorade and take a knee.
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
Can you cover for me after lunch? I’ve never seen a guy who cums as much as my new Side Dick so now I need to clean the house before my husband gets home
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