This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
He was from Iceland of course I didnt sleep with him, havent you seen Mighty Ducks 2???
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Chasing bourbon with pepto... Dedication.
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
I mean I'm not saying I have my life together but I did just put nerds in a bottle of champagne and then drank from the bottle
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
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