whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Yeah, my mom walked in on us. Instead of yelling, she went and hid in the bathroom til we finished. It was pretty classy.
I just got over my period in 3 days...I believe that is god's way of saying "go fuck an amazingly attractive Italian boy on vacation"
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
Places I vomited today: hotel bathroom, in the cab to the airport, airport bathroom, airport terminal trashcan, plane seat 18E, and the plans bathroom
Fun wedding?
Yes. Very.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
