Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
i was unaware that anal sex sometimes ends with shit on the bed.
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
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