o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Just to clarify, I'm still tripping balls
On an unrelated note, I've come up with a theory of everything
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
The twitch Bob Ross stream is the happiest little hangover cure ever.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
Randomize
