dude chill. it wont be anything like your seventh grade birthday party.
I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
Randomize
