what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
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