i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
My roommate fed me my birth control pill while I was hungover laying on the couch so that's how my morning has been
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
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