lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I rewired his car so that every time he hits the gas the horn and the OnStar turn on every time he hits the brake the panic alarm goes off.
Randomize
