I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
