Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
