Me. At least after what I've been through.
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Well he has a golden retriever set as his background so there's no way he was filming us having sex
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
