I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
Girls at BYU need to learn how to handle a penis. I swear my date last night was trying to pull it off my body to use later.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Randomize
