You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I need to figure out how to tell my doctor that I don't want to fix my possible fertility problems until AFTER I'm done whoring around in my 20s.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
Swimming turned traumatic when grampas shorts slipped off..
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
