When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
According to last night if you on the sidewalk at 12 a|m\nYour a WHORE !
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
Is YOLO really just a socially acceptable way to say you enjoy putting things up your nose?
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
What drink are we having for lunch?
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
Randomize
