I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
