She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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