Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
He called the drink "The Annexation of Puerto Rico". He wouldn't tell us whats in it but said that we should all fear for our lives. Let's do this.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
We have to have sex twice when i get back. I miss you sex, and thank god the nhl lockout is over sex. I will happily let you wear your sharks jersey during it and i will wear my ducks jersey, and it will be mad rivalry sex.
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
the guy had "bad bitches only" tattooed above his penis...
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