somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
Also, beer. Big fan.
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
