new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
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