Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
When we were fucking, you could hear the beer sloshing around in my stomach
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
Randomize