Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
puking in a sink with a garbage disposal Fucking. Rules. It's like you're punishing your puke when you're done.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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