walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
My dick has a subreddit
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Randomize
