I heard we made out
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
The boob job was worth every penny just to see the expression of pure joy on his face the first time he saw them.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
