No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
being pregnant is like rehab
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
