in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
yes that’s a photo of a horny gay donkey
Oh I know. I’ve known many horny gay donkeys in my time.
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