I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
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