I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Randomize
