And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Yeah I don't remember why I went to the hospital though but I just called and they have my wallet
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I need more than 2 fuckable people this is an outrage
I'm high. I apologize for that last sentence
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
