St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
And tan into my neighbor in the elevator. She was going to the gym. I was covered in mascara and dog hair eating a hash brown
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
Randomize
