I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
Holy shit there is too much Taco Bell here to talk to you
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Randomize
