dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I may or may not have slept in someones apt on your street because they told me I was fun sized like a mini snickers
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
SERIOUSLY WHY DOES EVERYONE INSIST THAT THEY NEED TO SEE MY BOOBS
Because there's a shortage of perfect breasts in this world. You should start charging for viewings.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
You yelled at me about a fork.
You probably deserved it, I'm very territorial about my cutlery.
Randomize
