he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
