You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
That's a really weird place to spoon. Especially if there are more accessible places to spoon. Like a bathtub.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
