I think even Ryan Seacrest is disgusted with the thought of Ryan Seacrest getting some.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
