seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Did you just see the Batmobile???
he called me from germany to tell me about all the gummy bears he bought...i'm doubting his sobriety
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
I’m going to fail his daughter so she stays in my class and I can keep fucking him. BEST. ORGASMS. EVER.
Then you can teach the kid to be a home wrecker
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
Randomize
