Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
