proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'd like to have a moment of silence for all the dicks she's broken off
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize