And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Only I could dislocate my ribcage coaching volleyball and still want to get drunk tonight.
I woke up in nothing but my socks and my hat a cigarette in my mouth and a beer in my hand..........GREAT NEW YEARS
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Randomize
