I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I I was gonna wake him up with a blow job but I don't know how he would feel about it.
Randomize
