I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
i don't know what happened by from the looks of her lipstick I'd say she was skull fucked by a rhino
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
