i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
How is it that lesbians won't hit on me at a gay club, but they'll hit on me every time I go to Walmart?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
She has the best kind of daddy issues
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Randomize
