I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
you should have heard her the other night. no sentence related to one preceding it. it was like she was in etch a sketch and when she moved she forgot everythin
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Oh like it's the first time I've had a bowl of wine
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
