At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
