I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
