HELP! I am trapped in a douchebag ad... full of Affliction and Ed Hardy. Seriously? is he gonna leave his sunglasses on the entire 10 seconds of this encounter?
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
Quick, to the slutcave!
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Just had sex in the basement of the library... I knew I was paying $120,000 for something more than a law degree
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
we are blowing up condoms and making balloons and we’re drunk on the floor. You could have come to school here
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
How long have I been using my debit card as a coaster?
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
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