the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
I think it stinks she’s cheating on him. My vagina on the other hand is tingly thinking about a summer of sexual healing
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