i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
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