I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
The sex was so boring I heard the people having sex next door and I wanted to stop just to listen
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
Randomize
