we made out on top of his cat.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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