you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
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My balls had bee stings let's just leave it at that.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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