how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
