I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
In the 30 seconds it took me to leave the bar I let the barback motorboat me, ripped open a stranger's shirt and bit his chest, then made out with El Camino dude. No, I'm not coming out tonight.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
