is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Use "feeling words"
Yay
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
