As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Theres a dude at this concert at the urinal double fisting beers, taking drinks from both while simultaneously pissing euerywhere. He is my hero
He violated my cat. I was not impressed.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
You made out with two different species that night
hes fine. but he did fall asleep while tebowing and started snoring
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
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