i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
See what happens chris. I told u not to invite her over. Now shes on her way to jail and were stuck with two pomeranians.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
He's getting off drug court. We're doing a super-blunt with 50 dollars worth stuffed inside. He almost cried tears of joy when we told him.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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